Day 1 #my500words: When Commitment Is Your Only Option

Today marks my first day to write my 500 words.

Scared as I am to take this challenge, I mustered all the courage I needed to write a few words down and just get on with it.

I am not new to this writing thing. I keep a journal since I was in high school; I have worked as an environmental blogger for a few months’ time; I have contributed an article in a local news magazine once; I have worked as news contributor for almost a month; I have also worked as content writer for years. For somebody who knows the joy of writing, these are accomplishments. They’re sort of my validation as a writer.

But life throws us a curve. When I became a mother of two pre-schoolers and a terrible-two (mind you, they’re all boys), I stopped writing in my journal. My writing stints were cut down from full-time job to part-time stint, until the only writing avenue for me was to write for a news writing company.

As my kids my growing family demands more time from me, meeting deadlines were next to impossible. Eventually, the news writing company finally decided to let me go. I was totally dispirited, and decided to put my writing on hiatus.

The pause did not help though. The more I read books and blogs that were well-written, the more I itch to write. But my fears were just as strong as my writing urges. Where were all these fears coming from?

I was scared because at the back of my mind I tell myself I might not be able to follow through.

I was scared because most of the writers I follow just know how to play with words, and I don’t.

I was scared because I don’t know what is expected of me.

I was scared because I have a lot of things to say and share, but I don’t know where to start.

I was scared because I have trouble following deadlines.

I was scared because whenever thoughts and ideas come to mind, I tend to lose my focus.

I was scared because I feel I am not good enough as a writer.

I was scared because of the process that I will need to go through today to get to where I should be.

In spite of all my fears, I am still going to write my 500 words today.

I am still going to write because I LOVE TO WRITE.

I am still going to write because if I love to write, GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION.

I am still going to write because I am compelled to write something worth sharing.

I am still going to write because I know this is my calling; and to not write displays defiance against it.

I am still going to write because no matter how many times I miss the deadline, COMMITMENT IS MY ONLY OPTION.

I am still going to write because if I am not good enough as a writer today, I can be better tomorrow.

I am still going to write because, if not today, when?

For 31 days, I resolve to commit to write; to pour my heart out; to be vulnerable; to say what I needed to say; to un-edit my work; to just go with the flow; to find my voice; to restore my lost art; to slowly but surely become the master of my craft.

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