It didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be.
I wanted it to be something that will caught me by surprise. I was waiting for something different from the mundane. Ah, there goes my unrealistic expectations again. It’s the kind of expectations that will leave us frustrated, if not heartbroken at the end of the day.
It’s a good thing though I started my day with Quiet Time. It’s the time of day when I just simply enjoy the time spent reading devotionals and The Bible. When I read devotionals or spend time meditating on His word first thing in the morning, it gives me this sense of unexplainable peace. But of course, because it’s my birthday, this morning is entirely different from my yesterday, and the day before yesterday, and so on and so forth.
Tempting as it may, I tried hard not to think about today as my “special day.” I could not help but imagine Mike would at least surprise me with a bouquet of flowers in the middle of the day or a special breakfast in bed with my boys upon waking up. You see, on the eve of my birthday, Mike proposed that we go out on my birthday instead. My best friend and I were supposed to go out on a date the day before my birthday, but I cancelled it the last-minute because Mike and the kids got home a bit late. So, to make peace of his tardiness, he mentioned we’ll just go out on a date.
But I know Mike isn’t that type, and those bouquet of flowers thing is a little over-the-top so I tried to dismiss my wishful thinking and carried on with the usual “housekeeping” stuff; did the laundry, prepared lunch, spent play time with the boys, checked my Facebook, Instagram and e-mail and whatnot. I tried to keep myself busy and distracted for as long as I can to keep myself from daydreaming.
It wasn’t easy to dismiss his offer either. Mike and I haven’t actually gotten a chance to go out on a date on my birthday. In fact, if my memory serves me right, we’ve never gone on a date on my birthday, which pretty much explains why I was anticipating for something really special to happen on that day.
Lunchtime passed and as hours went by, I was slowly sensing that our date may not actually take place. During lunch Mike was complaining of pain somewhere in right tummy. My mom in law also mentioned that they’re heading off to QC that day to attend a wake. I felt completely hopeless that our “birthday date” will ever take place.
As my thoughts began to wander and slowly let my feelings of frustration crept in, I have decided to take the matters to the Lord. I began asking “Lord, I am hurt right now. I am hurt because I was hoping things would turn out the way I wanted it to be. But, I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of the day. So, what is it that you want me to learn from this? Is there a lesson that I needed to learn here? If there is, please help me become sensitive to your voice and make my heart open to understand.”
I took my journal (it’s where I write all the lessons I have learned) and began to read, indulge and meditate on the lessons and on God’s word. Slowly, I felt there was a shift in my thoughts and my feelings. I felt better and when Mike woke up from a nap, we got ready and went for a family birthday date instead.
So, my birthday didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be, but this 36th birthday celebrant surely have learned all the lessons she needed to learn on that day.
What were the lessons I learned on that day? More on the second part.